Emmys roundup

Last night the Emmys were awarded in Los Angeles and all of television glitterati (and a lot of film stars since the distinction between television and movie stars has steadily blurred over the past decade) showed up to demonstrate their best acting skills by pretending to be entertained by the evening’s proceedings.

Even Charlie Sheen was on hand to present the award for Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. But before he got started listing the nominees, he needed to do some penance. (We are getting close to Rosh Hashanah, after all.) “Before I present Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, my old category,” he began, “I want to take a moment to get something off my chest and say a few words to verybody here from Two and a Half Men. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you nothing but the best for this upcoming season. We spent eight wonderful years together and I know you will continue to make great television.”

Just like that bit of faux sincerity, the rest of the show felt forced and poorly scripted. Yet unlike every other armchair critic out there, I’m not going to make this post about how dreadful the show was because this was hardly a surprise. The Emmys are unwatchable virtually every year. We’d all be better entertained watching C-SPAN. Book TV anyone?

Now onto the awards.

The boys of the now defunct Entourage, including Jeremy Piven, appeared together onstage, after host Jane Lynch cited them as the reason for her lesbianism. True story, Jane.

As to Jews who weren’t flagrant examples of douchebaggery, Julianna Margulies won Best Actress for her work in The Good Wife, an award she accepted in a white dress with a bustier straight out of Pirates of the Caribbean.

Once again, Jon Stewart and Co. took the prize home for Outstanding Music, Variety or Comedy series for The Daily Show.  Thank God. That show hasn’t received enough recognition.

Predictably, Modern Family swept most of the Emmys, including one for producer Steve Levitan for an episode he wrote that was inspired by his children walking in on him and his wife during sex.

Another group of funny Jews — Andy Samberg and his Lonely Island crew performed a medley of some of their songs, joined by Michael Bolton sporting a crooked Jack Sparrow mustache.

The Jews were decidedly absent in the miniseries category where Downton Abbey nearly swept the category with the Brits taking most of the acting prizes. In fact, the whole reason the miniseries category was introduced was so that people with names like “Percival” and “Guy” could also win Emmys. No — they’re not Jews, folks. Believe me, I checked.

And on the red carpet, Jon Cryer of Two and a Half Men admitted that he has “already converted to the cult of Ashton.” Isn’t that just called Kabbalah?

Now onto the fashion, which was as yawn-worthy as the award show itself.

Glee‘s Lea Michele wore red as did about half the actresses present but no one wore the color better than Kerry Washington. (Not even Kate Winslet.)

Michele’s costar, Dianna Agron wore a belted blue gown that was utterly shapeless. In my mother’s words, “it did nothing for her.”

Gwyneth Paltrow also showed up, presumably for her guest appearances on the karaoke-fest that is Glee, wearing what can only be described as a midriff baring two piece black lace doily. I’ll bet she’ll tell us where to buy it in her GOOP newsletter.

My vote for best dressed Jew — Evan Rachel Wood, nominated for her role in Mildred Pierce, wore a fully embroidered black Elie Saab dress that was figure conscious. She completed the look with a retro styled updo. Hard to believe that this is same girl who was once engaged to Marilyn Manson.