Like many single, jaded New Yorkers, roommates Danielle Dietzek and Julie Griggs had grown tired of the Jewish singles scene.
With so much of modern dating taking place online, the two 30-something friends — echoing the sentiments of so many others — found dating apps to be both impersonal and unsatisfying. They felt unsafe meeting complete strangers. And they often came away thinking the men they met did not resemble their curated profiles and had instead crafted false personas to present the “best” version of themselves.
So when the former college roommates spent six weeks in an Upper East Side apartment together while Griggs completed a clinical rotation as a physician assistant in 2019, they tried an experiment: They changed Dietzek’s online dating profile to include both of them. The men they matched with would bring along a single friend, and the group of four would double date, allowing Griggs and Dietzek to feel safe going out with strangers and providing a new way to meet people.
It was an incredible, a-ha moment.
“We obviously struck a nerve, because all of the men that we matched with and were messaging us were telling us that this was such a better way for singles to be meeting,” Griggs said, adding that they suggested “we should create our own app with this.”
And so, the friends did just that: They created Fourplay Social, a dating app designed to foster double dates. They launched their app in New York City in 2020, and added Boston-area singles in 2023.
Fourplay users can filter for age, location and gender, but they cannot specifically look for other Jews on the app. Nonetheless, Griggs said the app is a draw for Jewish users because the social dating concept “embodies an age-old Jewish value: community.”
It’s an ethos both creators says has connected them to their Jewish upbringings. Griggs, who grew up in a Conservative Jewish home in Westchester, comes from a family of couples that met in Jewish settings. The pair say that their app is a modern take on the Jewish singles events of generations past — promoting the idea that community and friendship are the best avenues to love.
According to Griggs, Fourplay’s commitment to group dates reflects the Jewish custom of inviting extra guests at the dinner table and communal holidays. “It provides a platform where singles can not only find potential partners but also expand their social circles, mirroring the interconnected nature of Jewish communities,” she said.
“Jews are all about socializing,” added Dietzek, who was raised in a Conservative Jewish family in Connecticut. “That’s so much of our culture: welcoming another guest at the seder table, welcoming another family to Shabbat. We are all about socializing. It’s in every practice, so it makes perfect sense that we would also enjoy dating in a social setting.”
Fourplay allows two friends to create a profile and match with another pair. Griggs and Dietzek declined to share how many active users the app has — nor did they provide figures on successful matches — but they said there are more than 50,000 eager singles are in the “waiting room,” a stage where users can create their accounts but not view other profiles until the app launches in their market. Fourplay aims to expand to Philadelphia, Chicago and Los Angeles within the next year or so.
“All of our friends had negative experiences with dating. We were fatigued with having the same date over and over again, feeling like it was a job interview, and feeling like if I had just gone out with my friends, I would have had more fun,” Griggs told the New York Jewish Week. “We hated dating apps, but that’s become a necessary evil, and this was also a fun way to meet new people.”
Support the New York Jewish Week
Our nonprofit newsroom depends on readers like you. Make a donation now to support independent Jewish journalism in New York.
Studies show that dating app users are increasingly lonely. The ease of use has been detrimental to many single people’s mental health, increasing the likelihood of depressive episodes and lowering self-esteem and body image.
“What dating apps did is they made it so easy to connect with somebody digitally that a lot of single people ended up dropping the socialization part of dating,” Dietzek told New York Jewish Week. “With Fourplay, we are bringing socialization back to dating, and we are using the convenience of technology, which has made it so easy. But we’re also incorporating something old with something new, which is dating with your friends.”
Furthermore, Griggs — whose parents and grandparents met at Jewish singles weekends in the Catskills — said double dating is a solution to a recurring issue among Jewish singles: dating someone who was previously involved with a friend or family member due to the small size of the community.
The more casual nature of Fourplay dates enables singles to pair off one of their dates with a loved one if they might be a better fit, she explained. Unlike other apps — which may promise a long-term partner or a casual encounter — Fourplay doesn’t make any promises beyond having fun and meeting new people with friends.
The idea is to reduce pressure around dating, Dietzek said. “We’ve removed all outcomes,” she said. “The emphasis is on the mechanism to meet people.”
Maya, a 26-year-old Upper West Sider who declined to provide her last name, recently tried out Fourplay with her best friend. The duo didn’t communicate with the friends they met after their double date, but Maya said that she would definitely go on another Fourplay outing. She said the app was a good way to meet Jewish men and explore New York City through event-centric dates.
“Even if I don’t meet Prince Charming, I really liked how casual it was,” she said. “We all just vibed without any pressure, which was way better than a Hinge date where it feels like some kind of a job interview.”
In creating their app, Griggs, who was a physician assistant, and Dietzek, a former nurse, drew upon their medical backgrounds. Fourplay urges users to focus on their mental health and to be routinely tested for STIs if they are sexually active. They also regularly broadcast safe dating tips, such as always meet in a public place and be careful not to drink too much.
“We are motivated by actually having an impact on someone’s health, which is not something that most [dating app] founders can say,” Griggs said.
Griggs and Dietzek are both currently single, and are therefore active users of their service. They believe this allows them to better empathize with their users about the stresses of dating apps, and to have better insights on necessary improvements.
They pair say they love being able to bond with one another as friends — rather than business partners — by going on Fourplay dates together. Griggs described double dating with Dietzek as filled with “hysterical laughing,” and said that going on double dates with her friend has satisfied her dating life more than her one-on-one dates.
“We made this app for ourselves,” Dietzek said. “It is the best feeling to be able to double date the way that we intended to.”
Support the New York Jewish Week
Our nonprofit newsroom depends on readers like you. Make a donation now to support independent Jewish journalism in New York.
User Maya concurs. “I don’t need to meet my Jewish husband,” she said, “but at least I’m strengthening my Jewish best friendship!”
